The E-Files Presents:  Presents:
Always!

 

I hope this doesn't make them start keeping stuff like this behind the pharmacy counter, too...


Wal*Mart.


The store you go to not really because you WANT to, more because you HAVE to. In my opinion, anyway. 20 check-out lanes, with maybe 4 or 5 actually open. Off-brand merchandise of questionable quality made in countries I've never heard of. I once bought a pair of shoes that lasted me all of 3 WEEKS. But hey, things are tough all over, so we have to save money somehow, right?

Usually, the high point of my visit is when I finally leave the store. Maybe, this lack of excitement is what prompted a couple in Kansas decided to 'spice up' their visit a bit more. They attempted a shoplifting spree, swiping several small items, listed in the accompanying article. One item in particular was, shall we say, a 'personal lubricant'. We say this, because that's what it's called on the box. This item could, provided they were able to get out of the store without being apprehended, a way to unwind, and maybe blow off a little steam once they got home.

But apparently, THEY COULDN'T WAIT...

I've heard of people being caught taking unauthorized samples from the snack foods, or trying to sneak out wearing new clothing over (or instead) of their own, but this is ridiculous! I Just hope they were arrested before they made it to the produce aisle.

Their next court date is 29-Aug. I hope do have an update on their situation as soon as it hits the press.
Did the greeter turn them in...
What's all this, then?
...or did he just want to watch?

While we're still in the personal care aisle, lot's look at a couple of other products I found there that require further explanation:

Twisted what?!?!?! It burrns!!!
Let's start with the one on the left, Trojan "Twisted". That has to be one of the last things that I would want to happen if I rolled one of these on! Yes, I see that the fine print explains what the 'twisted' action is all about, but  just that one word is enough to keep me from looking further. Why not just call them 'caught in your zipper' or 'slammed in a dresser drawer'. Let's see how they can make either of these experiences sound pleasurable.

The one on the right, 'Fire & Ice', doesn't sound much better.. Once again, two substances I don't want to come anywhere close to the part of the body these products are to be applied to. OK, some guys may disagree with me about the ice part, but a sensation of cold seems well, counterproductive to me. Hey, if you're THAT adventurous, why not try some twisting action and let me know how well that works out for you.


All this talk of shopping has got me thinking that we are starting to run low on a few things around our place.

"Honey, want to go to Wal*Mart?"


"E"

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