New Feature: "The E-Files" meets “Animal Planet”
(Original post date – 28-Jan-07)

Iguana
Hope you all had a nice weekend, whether or not you indulged in any of the activities mentioned in my posting of a couple of days ago. Whatever you did, even if it meant doing nothing, I guarantee you had a better weekend...

Item 1:  ...Than poor Mozart. Mozart is an iguana, much like the one pictured above, who learned 'the hard way' that too much of a good thing can be very bad, indeed! His Story...

I'm not going to go for the obvious jokes on this one. Besides, it looks like they are already taken. Just put 'iguana penis' into your favourite search engine if you don't believe me. Including as the name of a ‘garage band’ (Dammit! I was gonna use it!). I've decided to take the 'high road' on this one (if there IS one), and keep it scientific, in the spirit of Steve Erwin, God rest his soul. I had a difficult time believing that this was the actual anatomic make-up of a male iguana, so I decided to do research into the matter this past Saturday (Gawd, I need a new hobby!). I didn’t find exactly what I was looking for, but did find several resources that seemed to support the fact that male iguanas do, in fact, have a ‘spare’. Here they are: 1, 2, & 3

What I did find interesting was that it’s sometimes difficult to tell a female iguana from what are really males. This reminds me of a problem that many adult men seem to have, especially after they have had a lot to drink, or visit unfamiliar bars! I saw this in an HBO special once. No, really! It’s NEVER happened to me!

But I digress. I was unable to find an actual picture of Mr. Mozart before his ‘surgery’, but I believe this one comes the closest: Howdy! None of the articles I saw explained how he could get in such a condition in the first place. Maybe it was some bad bootleg Viagra or Cialis that he got off the ‘Net. Or, he didn’t heed the warnings you see in the ads, especially the one about the 4-hour 'woody'. Possibly a ‘Pillow Fight Movie Marathon’ on hotel ‘Spank-O-Vision’…

…Or, maybe he just couldn’t get dates, took the same route that many of his human male counterparts do, and found a ‘Substitute’...

Item #2:  February 2nd seems to be celebrated VERY differently in Serbia...

OUCH!

 OK - hedgehog, groundhog, what's the difference? The point is, a DOCTOR (I know, 'witch-doctor') told him to do this?!? And I thought that US healthcare was on the decline. Maybe the doctor told Mr. Nikclovic that all he needed to put him right was ‘a good poke in the whiskers’, and he grossly misunderstood! If I ever had Mr. Nikclovic’s condition (which, of course, I NEVER have), I’d stick with the old reliable “just think about baseball”.

In conclusion, I think both of these articles serve as yet another reminder that we men need to be more careful with our ‘little friends’…

…Just ask THIS guy!
 
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